What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 15:54
I have no regrets .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Has anyone ever really waited that long and gotten a paper check mailed 20 days ago?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it wasn’t much.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What is the best reply if your boyfriend asks you,"why do you love me?"
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What did i know ?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
How do we greet in German, French, Spanish, and Italian?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What was the hottest inappropriate sex you ever had?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What was Easter day like for you as a child?
He knew the spot.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why does an older married man turn bisexual?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
How do you take your erotic photos and how do you choose the poses?
She married twice! .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
She loved him until the end.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was scared of men, in general
This is soul school!.
I will be 64.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was in good health!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were not on the streets..
When she asked me how she looked .
We all went to grammer schools
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Would this be the day?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ive learnt so much.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My life is so biszare .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Comes on , in middle age.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was 9 years of age.
I was very sick at this time too.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had hoped to write a book about this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I write beautiful poetry .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Who then, do I blame.?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot live in the past .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
So, i spoilt her more .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And i lived it daily.
But, we were locked up after school.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I think the readers, may guess!
She found it foreign!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She wouldn,t have been !
I don,t even have a pension.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Put me off passion for life!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
All the time i was locked up.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was seconnd youngest,
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I said to her
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im still living with it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .